Leave It All On The Altar
When I was young, I always went to church but was never taught the meaning behind it. I grew up going to church with the “because we had to” mentality. My mom would drag me and my brother to church every Sunday in our Sunday’s Best with our first stop being early morning Sunday School. She would also drag us to Noon prayer on a Saturday and I just did not understand why. I would rather watch cartoons or talk on the house phone with my friends. I remember waking up some nights with oil on my forehead because my mom went from room to room covering, praying and anointing our entire house.
I knew there was a man who sat on the right hand of the Father, and of course I prayed to him everyday reciting the The Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6:9-15. This is the prayer I would pray not because I fully understood it, but because it was plastered throughout my family’s home in various forms. I was taught to call on the Lord while facing adversity, hurt or when I was in need of something, and The Lord’s Prayer was there to remind me.
Deep down inside, I knew I wanted to know more about Jesus and have my own relationship with Him. I knew that the foundation of Jesus Christ starts at home with the teaching from our parents and church, but I knew I had to learn God for myself. At the end of the day, this is my life and I have to take account for everything I have done.
Fast forward to 2018, things started to shift. I was finishing up college and was expecting to graduate Fall 2019. God’s calling on my life didn’t align with what I thought my purpose was. I would have done anything to avoid God’s calling for me.
Sometimes, I would go to church on Sundays, solely depending on if I was hungover or not… Yes girl, I was city girl Lexi!!! I graduated Fall 2019; got engaged in during the 2020 pandemic. The engagement didn’t last very long last due to us not being equally yoke (stay tuned for a future post on “Life after the Engagement. I spill all the juice on how God turned the lowest point of my life right side up to elevate me in Him). But after calling the engagement off, I was forced to move back home in 2021. I was in a car accident that same Summer. Without having reliable transportation, that was the last straw, which left me in spiritual shambles (so I thought) Shortly after, I had medical issues that caused me to be in and out of the hospital for a year without any medical explanation. The only answer to my health scare was related to my allergies, which resulted in me receiving two tedious shots per month, still to this day.
In the midst of stormy seasons, I started therapy in 2022 to tackle all of the traumatic events that happened to me recently and even address those experiences that remained unchecked. I was broken and my heart was shattered into many pieces. With that, I am grateful for my therapist for providing a safe space, where I could finally tell my story without feeling judge or hearing someone tell me “to suck it up.” We worked on my depression, anxiety and my abandonment issues. She taught me how to cope with my feelings and daily stressors. In all, I learned that I am worthy; I am enough; and God did not create me to settle.
Needless to say, God had to take me through something, so He could get my attention. He had to bring me back to zero, so he could illuminate Himself in me, and He gets the Glory. I remember crying every single day through 2021 and 2022 asking God, “Why me? Why do all these things keep happening to me? What are you trying to tell me? What do I need to see?” Girl, I was so angry at God because I didn’t know what was going on. It seemed like “another day, another problem.” Then, I asked God again, “What do I need to see? Why is this happening to me?” And can you believe what He said. He said the simple answer was to surrender, dwell in the Lord and leave it all at the altar.
So I did, I went back to church. My best friend actually pushed me to go. Each day, God is restoring me little by little. I am trusting the process and letting His will be done in my life - no matter what it looks like. Each day I wake up, I give him a fresh YES. He is making me the woman He wants me to be. I pray to be more like Him everyday single day. I read my Bible and have Bible study with my friends. My friend group keeps me accountable and checks in on me. He has sent me God-ordained friendships, and I am grateful for that.
I have decided to make my relationship with God a priority. If I can rip and run, go to work from 8:00am-4:30pm and hangout with my friends, I can surely do Kingdom Business without hesitation.
I challenge you to give God your YES and whatever you are going through, leave it all on the altar.
