Navigating Life After An Engagement
It’s weird explaining to someone you are no longer engaged. Especially after blasting it all over social media, posting cute photos and responding to comments. Answering questions to “where is your ring”? “When is the wedding”? Being ashamed to answer … yup that’s what I was going through. To be fair, the engagement started off pretty rocky. I had to face judgment from my family, and the worst part was that something that was supposed to be a happy time in my life, quickly turned into a nightmare.
I began to isolate myself from my friends and family. Looking back, there were a bunch of red flags that I ignored. I knew that acknowledging what was going would mean that I would have to make some choices that I wasn't prepared to make. I didn’t have a balance between being in a relationship and having friends. I missed some big moments in my friends' lives that I will never be able to get back. I didn't realize the damage my relationship was causing until one day, a friend confided in me that she was scared to contact me to hangout. It was at that moment, I knew I was going to have to make some changes. Despite me not being a good friend, my friends were supportive and understood everything I was going through.
Yet, I still wasn't ready to let go. Spending every second with someone for years to not speak to them ever again is mind blowing. You practically build your life around this person. You create a bond and begin to settle into a routine that seems unbreakable. I spent 6 years of my life calling, texting, facetiming my partner, which eventually led us to move in together. How was I going to live? One could only imagine the hurt I felt when I wanted to share both good and bad news with this person, but knew I couldn’t. It took me a while to wrap my head around it.
After making one of the most life changing decisions in my life, I was forced to think about how this would alter how I saw relationships with the opposite sex. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking about how men would view me once I got back on my feet, and back in the dating game. Would they think I was broken because I didn’t go through with the engagement? Would they see me as just another bitter woman who was jilted? Would I ever be able to trust a man, after all the person I thought I would marry destroyed my trust. How could I possibly explain this to my new “future husband” without him feeling pity for me? The thought of that was scary to me, and I needed a healthy way to move on; I needed to re-define myself and figure out who I was again without that person.
One thing I’ve learned in life is that trouble doesn't always last. I wasn't sure how my life would turn out now that I had called it quits with my future husband. Luckily for me, with the help of friends and close family members, I was able to pick up the pieces. A few things that helped on this journey were prayer, therapy and working out. An indirect outcome from this situation was that my prayer life became better. At first, I was so angry with God; I didn't want to speak to him; it felt as though something I wanted so badly was snatched from me with no explanation. I had to repent because at the end of the day, all things work together for good. I prayed for strength, guidance through this season and restoration. I got back into the routine of seeing my therapist. We continued to discuss how to cope and to follow up with the things she taught me to put into action in my daily life. That's when I learned that exercise would be a good outlet. I was finally starting to find balance and peace.
Looking back, I can see how God protected me from a lifetime of heartache and regret. I remember sitting in my car during my lunch break and being in awe of how far I’ve come. Thinking wow, I am actually living, healing, thriving and becoming the woman God called me to be. I smile more, hang out with my friends and eat well of course. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember,God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.Psalm 147:3 AMP
